I'm a Veteran and Proud of It !

"Oh say does that star-spangled banner yet wave ..."

Say, what happened to all of those flags anyway? I'm talking about those flags that in the immediate aftermath of Sept. 11, 2001, could be seen prominently displayed almost everywhere you looked.

Has patriotism become outdated? Is it out of vogue to pay tribute to those who have fallen to keep us free?

Veterans Day, 11/11/2009:
I looked for flags today. I was dismayed when I realized my search was virtually a scavenger hunt. Oh, I saw some U.S. flags. They could be seen on poles above schools, city halls, post offices and other government buildings, but scarce were those displayed at private homes.

I'm won't extol the virtues of being patriotic; freedom assures all of us the right to express patriotism in our own ways, whether within our hearts or by wearing it on our sleeves.


I've posted the following quotes because they express what it means to be patriotic far more eloquently that I can ever hope to:

Off with your hat, as the flag goes by!
And let the heart have its say;
you're man enough for a tear in your eye
that you will not wipe away.
~Henry Cuyler Bunner

If our country is worth dying for in time of war let us resolve that it is truly worth living for in time of peace.
~Hamilton Fish

And I'm proud to be an American,
where at least I know I'm free.
And I won't forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.
~Lee Greenwood

If you are ashamed to stand by your colors, you had better seek another flag.
~Author Unknown

Where liberty dwells, there is my country.
~Benjamin Franklin

Liberty and Union, now and forever, one and inseparable!
~Daniel Webster

I'd like to think that the following quote by Samuel Langhorn Clemens is not an accurate view. Alas, I fear it might be true:

In the beginning of a change, the patriot is a scarce man, brave, hated, and scorned. When his cause succeeds however, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.
~ Mark Twain

It seems like a distance memory, but once upon a time the kids in a classroom would stand, face the American flag, place their hand over their hearts and recite the following:
If it were in my power, this practice would be reprised forthwith!

"...O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave."

№ 1838

You Say To-mah-to ...

"What would you like on your sandwich, ma'am?" the man behind the counter asked the woman.

"A slice of to-mah-to," she replied to him.

I was next in line at the sandwich counter of the deli as the above exchange took place. Like the man preparing her order, I raised my eyebrows in reaction to the haughty manner of her enunciation.

I've heard 'tomato' pronounced as 'to-mah-to' before, and it came as no surprise to hear it from a lady who spoke with her nose in the air. It was her deliberate use of the long 'A' (rhyming it with 'day') to begin her reply that caught my attention.

( In response to the man, most of our replies would have sounded like, "Uh slice of tomato." )

When referring to the letter 'A' itself, it is pronounced with a hard or long emphasis. But when used as an article in speech, it is generally voiced as "uh."

"Make sure the to-mah-to is fresh," she added waving her finger at him.

With that statement, the word 'the' was expressed with a long 'e' to sound like 'thee.' Of course, most of us would have verbalized 'the' as 'thuh.' ( Hmmm ... curious that 'a' and 'the' would rhyme, isn't it? )

According to the lexicographer, Mr. Noah Webster, when referring to the letter a or A, it is correctly pronounced long. However, when used as an article, it is pronounced as 'uh' as indicated by an upside down 'e.' ( Give the lady one demerit for her verbal faux pas. )

On the matter of the word 'the', Webster lists first 'thuh' as the preferred pronunciation, but also mentions 'the' with a long 'e' as also acceptable, although archaic.

Either one is correct. Neither one is wrong.

I suspect that this lady would have taken exception to my vocalization of those two words.

I say 'ee-ther' and 'nee-ther'.

No doubt she would have said 'eye-ther' and 'nigh-ther'.

Now, even though she spoke in a blue-blood haughty manner, and had a typical Bostonian accent, her next request caught me by surprise.

"Could you wrap that in al-u-min-i-um ?"

Wait a minute, I thought. This woman wasn't British. Why was she pronouncing 'aluminum' like those people across the pond. I thought only the British added the non-existent syllable to that word!

I can only assume that this woman was trying to put on an air of sophistication by displaying a holier-than-thou attitude. ( Should 'thou" be pronounced as 'thoo'? )

In the end I was about to dismiss her act, after all what harm was she doing anyway? I was about to ... until she was paying for the sandwich ...

"That'll be $3.07, ma'am," the counterman announced.

She handed the man three one-dollar bills and inexplicably counted out seven pennies from the plastic tray next to the register.

I decided not to dismiss her act! Not only was she a phony and putting on airs, but she was cheap too!

Lady, you say to-mah-to, I say ... phooey!

№ 1837

The Quill and the Quire (36)

Part thirty-six of a macabre tale of prognostication that asks, "What if one were to write about fictional tragedies of the future ... and they came to pass?" The discovery of an ancient artifact sends Vance Henderson on a terrifying race against time to save the present and all that he holds precious.

To read from the beginning click HERE.

Basking in the afterglow of our passion she had drifted off into a contented sleep. Resting on my elbow I studied the features of her face. Even in repose after our heated lovemaking I was struck by her beauty.

Yet, I was troubled by what had transpired before we'd retired to the bedroom. She'd come in contact with it, written upon one of its sheets ... apparently without being compelled to do so, but of her own volition.

Was it possible she was immune to it, able to resist its power? No, that couldn't be it. Ben had confirmed as much with his account of Alicia's previous contact with the quill and the quire in Agnes Lennon's shop, and I'd seen the products of that encounter.

I sat up and swung my feet onto the floor. Behind me she murmured and stirred from my sudden shift in the bed but did not open her eyes. I gazed for a moment at her breasts which rose and fell with each breath. I resisted their allure and rose from the bed.

Resting, I thought. Could it be that the quill and the quire was resting, that it was in a state of dormancy? I shook my head, cursing myself for continuing to regard it as if it were capable of anything beyond simply existing.

It was foolhardy I thought, but I made a conscious decision to deliberately write something on one of the sheets just as Alicia had done. When I stepped through the bedroom door my foot fell upon something on the floor. It was the feathered quill pen, still lying on the floor. I bent over to retrieve it.

My fingers inches from it, I froze. Was my decision a conscious one, or was I being compelled to do so? Had the quill and the quire allowed Alicia to use it only to give me a false sense of security? Under my breath I again cursed myself. I was capable of independent thought. I was not its puppet!


Her soft voice called my name, "Vance?"

Startled, I gazed at her standing naked in the bedroom doorway. Still naked myself, I was standing by the table. The quill pen slipped from my fingers and landed next to the open leather case. Groggy, my eyes turned to the surface of the table. At first the words I'd written upon the topmost sheet were blurred.

"Vance," Alicia called again, "are you okay?"

"Yes," I replied with a nervous smile. The lines upon the sheet came into focus and I stated, "I was just writing a note to you."

She moved to my side and picked up the sheet of paper. She giggled playfully as she read the words, "Vance and Alicia make love again and again."

The heated tip of one breast rubbing against my arm, eased somewhat the uncomfortable thoughts coursing through my mind. True enough I had written those words on the sheet, but as with previous writings I had no memory of actually performing the act.

"Oh my." Alicia cried with delight, "Another standing ovation!"


I awoke with a start. The first rays of the morning sun were soothing fingers upon my bare chest. I rolled over expecting to find Alicia, but the other side of the bed was empty save for a folded piece of paper. I sat up and called for her but there was no response.

Grimacing that she had again used paper from the quill and the quire I unfolded the note she'd left me.

Vance,

You looked so peaceful and I didn't want to disturb you. Last night was wonderful, so wonderful I was tempted to wake you anyway. I promised to help open the pub this morning. I'll be off by noon when Mary comes in.

I hope you don't mind, but I had a great idea. A friend who lives down by the lake said we could use his boat. I'll pack us a picnic lunch and we can row out to the island in the lake. We'll be all alone, just you and me.

There isn't much to do out there, but I think we'll come up with something.

I love you,

Alicia

I had to agree. It was indeed a great idea. I slid out of bed, pulled on my pants and then made my way to the kitchen. She had been thoughtful before leaving; the aroma of a fresh pot of coffee assaulted my olfactory senses.

In mid step, with a wary glance at the leather case on the table, I came to a halt. I drew in a deep breath and held it for several moments. Her handwriting unmistakable, Alicia had written more than the note she'd left on her pillow. My hands were trembling as I reached for the sheet of paper. Terror stricken, I dropped the paper, the lines upon it ripping at my heart.

"Local barmaid severely burned in kitchen fire."

( To be continued ... )

№ 1836

The Quill and the Quire (35)

Part thirty-five of a macabre tale of prognostication that asks, "What if one were to write about fictional tragedies of the future ... and they came to pass?" The discovery of an ancient artifact sends Vance Henderson on a terrifying race against time to save the present and all that he holds precious.

To read from the beginning click HERE.

Stunned by the words upon the sheet, I folded it and slipped it into my pocket. Alicia, by her own hand, had written the words upon it. The previous predictions had all been cryptic, never mentioning by name those to be affected by the forecasts. Her product was different.

I shook my head willing coherent thoughts into my head. There was at least one other prediction that had mentioned a name. Both Ben and I had assumed that the word 'constable' had been a reference to the title of his job. In the end however, it was the name of the young plumber who'd died from his injuries in the explosion.

I glanced at the doorway to the kitchen. I could hear the tinkling of a spoon in a cup, no doubt stirring the added cream and sugar. Alicia would be soon coming out with the coffee she'd been preparing.

Although she would have no memory of the words she'd written on either of the sheets, both of them had included individual's names. The folded sheet in my pocket bore both mine and Alicia's names.

I knew that the time had come that I would have to tell her about the quill and the quire. She needed to know about it's power. She needed to see the words she'd written while under its spell. Yet, I knew that would have to wait. I could not show her the words she'd written. The event in her prediction, an event that would affect us both, would first have to come to pass. I closed the leather case.

Alicia emerged from the kitchen bearing a tray laden with two cups of hot coffee. As she leaned forward to place the tray upon the table my eyes came to rest upon the generous cleavage revealed beneath her loose blouse. I lurched forward and grabbed her shoulders.

Startled by my sudden action, she relaxed when I pulled her close. Even as our lips touched my thumbs slip under the collar of her blouse. She gasped when I tore open the garment and pulled it with force down over her shoulders. Her breathing became heavy when my hands slid down onto the curves of her breasts. She gasped again but did not resist when my hands next slid beneath her bra and pushed it aside.

I picked her up and carried her into the bedroom. Dropping her onto the bed, I did not hesitate but reached for the waist of her pants. Besides the manipulation of the snap and the zipper of her pants, the only other sounds were the feverish gasps that escaped her lips and my own heavy panting. She raised her hips as both her pants and her underwear slid down her legs. She struggled with her blouse and bra even as my own clothing was being tossed aside.

There were no tender touches of foreplay. The urgency of my actions and her eager responses had negated the need for them. I hovered over her for a brief moment and then I took her.


Her head resting upon my chest, her finger traced a path down my sternum. She exhaled long and was the first to break the silence, "Whew! What got into you? You were an animal!" She sighed and continued, "Don't get me wrong. It was wonderful, no, it was incredible!"

"I wanted you. I wanted you bad! Besides, I knew it was going to happen. It didn't make any sense to put it off any longer."

She propped herself up on her elbow and looking into my face giggled, "Of course. That's why I left you that note to tell you what was going to happen."

"What?" I responded rolling onto my side to face her. "Note? What note?"

"Vance, don't be coy. You saw my note. I left it on the table on top of your valuable artifact." She winked and added, "Lover, I'm going to leave you notes more often."

I pulled her close to me and stared into space. Her words were echoing in my mind. She'd written those words and remembered doing so? She'd written them deliberately?
If so, it would have meant that she had not been under the spell of the quill and the quire.

"When I came in, you were standing by the table like you were in ... a trance," I uttered.

She giggled again, "Yes. I guess I was day dreaming. I was thinking about us ... right here in this very spot. I was dreaming about us making love." She ran her hand down my abdomen and said, "You know what I'm thinking now, don't you? I'm thinking about making love again and again!"

Even though I'd heard her words, my mind was busy trying to process the results of her contact with the relic. The words she'd written had been committed to memory.

"Alicia and Vance make wild passionate love."

Knowing the power of the quill and the quire, how was it possible for her to have used it without coming under its influence? I shuddered that she might have some special innate ability to resist it. Was it possible? Was it possible that the original owner had possessed the same ability? Was it possible that the quill and quire, after five hundred years, had found another worthy of it?

"Vance," she said interrupting my thoughts, "You're a million miles away. Do I have to get up and march out there and write another note?"

"No! No, of course not," I stammered.

She rolled on top of me and slid her hand along my thigh. "Earlier you asked if I had anything against intimacy, didn't you?" Her hand moved to my inner thigh and she whispered, "I'll show you some intimacy as long as I have an attentive audience."

I touched her lips with my finger and said, "If your hand gets any more intimate, you're going to receive a standing ovation."

( To be continued ... Part 36)

№ 1835

Dyslexic Man Walks Into A Bra ...

Smells Good
Every day a male co-worker walked up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, took a big breath of air and told her that her hair smelled nice.

After a week of it, she couldn’t stand it anymore and complained to a supervisor in the personnel department stating her wish to write a sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor, puzzled by her decision, asked, “What’s sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?”

“It’s Raymond, the midget.”

Holiness
A lady dies and goes to heaven. She arrives at the pearly gates and is greeted by St. Peter. There were a few people waiting before her, so she strikes up a conversation with the cock-bearing saint. They were deep in discussion when suddenly she hears a blood-curdling scream.

“What was that?” she asked.

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” said St. Peter. “It’s just someone getting a hole drilled in their head so they can be fitted for their halo.”

A few seconds later, she hears another agonized scream, more terrible than the previous one.

“What was that?” she asked again.

“Oh, don’t worry,” again said St. Peter soothingly. “It’s just someone getting holes drilled in their back so they can be fitted for their wings.”

Upon hearing this, the lady starts to back away.

“Where are you going?” inquired St. Peter.

“I think I’ll go downstairs,” answers the lady.

“But you can’t go there. You’ll be raped and sodomized!”

“It’s okay,” she notes. “I’ve already got the holes for that.”

Jill's Legs
So this new bar opens and the owner can't think of a name. So he decides to name the bar after the 3rd person who walks in. It takes doesn't take long and soon the 3rd customer walks in.

The owner jumps up and walks over to the girl and says, "You're the 3rd person to enter my bar and I'm going to name it after you."

"Okay," she says, "My name is Jill."

The owner looks her over and says, "I like your legs too, so I'm going to name the bar 'Jill's Legs'"

The next day a bum is sitting outside the bar and a cop asks him what he's doing.

He answers, "Waiting for Jill's Legs to open so I can get a drink!"

For the Love of a Woman
This man walks in a bar and says to the bartender, "Hey Joe, how about fixing me up with 8 shots of whiskey and 8 bottles of beer?"

Joe says, "Well hell, what's the matter?"

The Man says, "Well, my son has just come home from college and I found out he's gay."

Joe says, "Man that's terrible," and gives the man his whiskey and beer.

Two weeks go by and the same man goes to the bar... He walks in and says, "Hey Joe, how about fixing me up with 8 shots of whiskey and 8 bottles of beer?"

Joe says, "Well hell, what's the matter this time?"

The man says, "Well my other boy just come home from college and I found out that HE'S gay."

Joe says, "Man, that's a damn shame," and fixes him up with the beer and whiskey.

Three weeks go by and the man comes bursting through the doors and says, "Joe, I want you to fix me up with every f*cking drink you got in the house!"

Joe says, "Geez, doesn't anyone in your family love women?"

The man says, "Yeah, I just found out my wife does..."

Cleanliness is next to Godliness
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar:

| Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 |

| Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 |

| Hand Job: $10.00 |

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "I am."

The man replies "Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"

№ 1834

The Name of the Toon

Hey You Guys!

The world of comics and cartoons has been turned upside down!

Toonville, USA will never be the same. The residents of Toonville will never be the same.

Harvey Toon here, reporting on the growing controversy that has cartoon folks everywhere in an uproar. Here in Toonville, not only are the Tooners discussing the news at the water coolers, but the water coolers are voicing their opinions also.

Not since the scandalous marriage of the voluptuous (wolf whistle) Jessica to Roger Rabbit and their shocking bedroom video, have the denizens of this toon burg found themselves the center of so much media attention.

I have in my hands the magazine which contains the photographs that has the town abuzz. I am going to interview some well known cartoon characters on the street. I'll show them the photos and get their reaction. Across the street is a crowd of toon stars milling about. Let's see what they have to say.

Harvey Toon: Fellow Toons, just what do you think of these photos?

Fred Flintstone: Yabba-Dabba-Doo!

Snagglepuss: Heavens to Murgatroid. E-e-e-e-ven!

Popeye: Well, blow me down!

Shaggy: Yoiks!

Daffy Duck: Thufferin' thucotash!

Fat Albert: Hey-Hey-Hey!

Tweety Bird: I tot I taw a puddy!

Bill Clinton: I never had sexual relations with that woman. Say, you don't happen to have her phone number do you?

Whoa! How did he get in here? Give me back that magazine, Bill! Go buy your own copy!

There you go folks. You can tell from the reactions of the some of well known male celluloid stars just how shocking the photos in question are. On the other hand, the women of Toonville have refused to comment and would not grant me an interview.

I find it interesting that in this day and age that so many people are offended by nudity. Many celebrities have removed their clothes and bared it all on the silver screen. Why is then that when they pose nude in a magazine, it is considered offensive by their peers?

Hey You Guys!

Marge Simpson has posed for a centerfold in Playboy Magazine!

Hey, here comes her husband, Homer. Let's see what he has to say about his wife's photos that leave so little to the imagination.

Harvey Toon: Homer. Homer Simpson, what do think of these nude pics of your wife?

Homer Simpson: Doh! So round and firm!

Harvey Toon: I can see you like your wife's provocative pose.

Homer Simpson: Mmmm ... Can't you see my mouth watering? I love them in my mouth.

Harvey Toon: Yes, she does have nice boobs.

Homer Simpson: Boobs? I'm talking about the donuts!

Harvey Toon: Doh!

№ 1833

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Blogs Will Never Harm Me

Don't act stupid. That's what politicians are for!

Nobody notices what I do, until I don't do it.
What if I don't WANT to press '1' for English?

I don't need sex.
The government screws
me everyday!
If I agreed with you, then we'd both be wrong.
Alcohol is the answer. I just can't remember the question!
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame.

I don't mind going to work. It's that 8-hour wait to go home that sucks.
I'd Rather Be A Smart Ass Than A Dumb Shit!
Some people say I have a bad attitude. I say, SCREW them!
For my next trick, I will need a condom and a volunteer.
I'd tell you to go HELL, but I work there and I don't want to see you everyday.
Years ago, I stumbled onto the great taste of beer. I've been stumbling ever since.

I'm in my own little world, but it's okay. They know me here.

I try to keep the coffee buzz going until the alcohol buzz kicks in.

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
I follow my dreams ... Except the one where I'm naked in church.
A penny for your thoughts - A dollar if you flash me!
Believe it or not, I'm the NORMAL one in my family.
№ 1832